Relationship Thought Prompt #01
Keeping the child at the heart
When parents are arguing, it’s easy for the child to get put in the middle and made to feel uncomfortable.
Here are a few signs to watch out for and steps to take if you recognise any of them.
Competing to be the favourite
Badmouthing your partner
Asking your child to be a mediator
Controlling or stopping access
Do you recognise any of those signs?
If you do, read on for a few tips about how you can make a change.
Competing to be the favourite
Try not to…
Feel that you have to be seen as the favourite parent or enter into a rivalry or competition with your partner (or ex partner).
Instead…
Focus on your child’s needs. Remember a child’s love for one parent doesn’t diminish their love for the other.
Badmouthing your partner
Try not to…
Talk badly about your partner (or ex partner) in front of your children – or retaliate if you hear that your partner is talking about you.
Instead…
Focus on your child’s needs. Protect your children from the conversation. Vent with another adult or talk to your partner away from your child.
Asking your child to be a mediator
Try not to…
Ask your child to share messages between you and your partner (or ex partner) or be the ‘go between’ with bickering and arguing.
Instead…
Focus on your child’s needs. Develop clear and respectful communication directly with your partner in a way that works for you both.
Controlling or stopping access
Try not to…
Stop your child seeing their other parent, to seek to control their time together or to negatively influence their relationship.
Instead…
Focus on your child’s needs. Allow your child and their other parent to maintain and develop their relationship in ways that suit them and the wider family network.
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