The importance of talking

Tip 1: Understand how you communicate

• It takes two people to have a relationship and each person has different communication needs and styles.
• Couples need to find a way of communicating that suits their relationship.
• Healthy communication styles require practice and hard work.
• Remember, communication will never be perfect all the time.

Tip 2: Be clear and check

• Be clear when communicating with your partner, so that your message can be received and understood.
• Double check your understanding of what your partner is saying.
• Negotiate and remember that you don’t have to be right all the time.
• If the issue you are having is not that important, try to let the issue go, or agree to disagree.

Tip 3: Two ears. Two eyes. One mouth.

• You have two ears and two eyes, and one mouth – give them the right priority.
• Listen to your partner. Put aside your own thoughts. Try to understand their intentions, feelings, needs and wants.
• When we communicate, we can say a lot without speaking. Our body posture, tone of voice and the expressions on our face all convey a message.
• These non-verbal means of communicating can tell the other person how we feel about them.

Tip 4: Make space and be honest

• Set aside time to talk without interruption from other people or distractions like phones, computers or television.
• Think about what you want to say and talk about what is happening and how it affects you.
• Talk about what you want, need and feel – use ‘I’ statements such as ‘I need’, ‘I want’ and ‘I feel’.
• Accept responsibility for your own feelings.